By Fausto Fernós on January 30, 2008 | Share & Save | Link | Print |
I can has cheezburger? The perpetually pondered question asked by so many cats on the internet when their owners are away has been answered, and the answer finally is “YES!”
Now everyone can have their favorite meaty sandwich whenever the mood strikes them. The German Camping and food manufacturer Trekking Mahlzeiten has just started selling cheeseburgers sold in cans.
Is this the end of civilization or the dawn of a delicious new era?
Marc says he’ll eat it, but I think it’s gross. Don’t think for a minute it really looks like a burger you’d buy in a restaurant. So there you have it. Cheeseburger in a can.
Yes, I know it’s a slow news day. President Bush just did his extremely predictable and boring State of the Union address in which he practically said nothing. It was so awful it’s sucked the life of all news feeds everywhere, leaving us to do lead stories on weird canned food items.
Speaking of which, check out the Frito-Lay’s Japanese sweet and salty food line that includes Strawberry Cream and Milk Chocolate dipped Cheetohs, Honey Butter Doritos and Caramel Doritos Sweets. We are way behind on snack food items America!
SPOILER ALERT! We had a great, dizzying time last weekend checking out the must-see “Cloverfield” monster flick by J.J. Abrams. The shaky camera “Blair Witch” technique was fused together with hi-tech computer animation to make a convincing movie about a group of obnoxious straight people’s point of view as New York City is attacked by a bizarre gigantic monster.
Is it me, or do a lot of movie monsters seem gay to me? The Alien queen seemed a bit too much like a goth drag queen, Pinhead from Hellraiser looks just like Sal-E, and of course King Kong was a little “ting a ling.” Fay Wray was more of a gal-pal fag hag than a love interest.
The ultimate gay movie monster has to be Frankenstein. Just look at this still from the 1931 classic movie!
No, that’s not a scene from the campy TV show “The Munsters.”
Join Marc Felion and me, Fausto Fernós as we talk about the anxieties of nudity as the people of New Zeland ban Borat’s skimpy swimsuit, a German airlines creates a “clothing optional” flights and a British bra manufacturer announces that ALL their bras will be sold for the same price regardless of size.
We’ve been selling our t-shirts for the same price regardless of size for YEARS. The cost of our 2-XL’s cost 20% more to make. We’ve been ahead of our time!
Lesbians in California have rejected the word “Lesbian” opting for a more modern word. Marc says they’ll never abandon the the word lesbian for two reasons: one, it’s part of the lesbian charter to “RECLAIM any and all words used by the patriarchy to sublimate, discriminate, subjugate, ostracize, demonize, enslave, ridicule, abuse, or victimize womyn” so they will never abandon lesbian.
I didn’t even know there was a lesbian charter! Two, the word they want to use instead of lesbian is “Gayelle” which is just a “forced feminization” of the word gay and Lesbians don’t need to be feminized. They are who they are, butch or femme and who uses the femme form of anything anymore. When was the last time you heard a white collar woman say “I’m the Chief Financial Executrix” and actresses don’t use that term anymore, its just actor now. Gay is what we all are, or soon will be if I have my way!
Fresh or canned, Feast of Fools is always a delicious treat.
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Kaleb says:
January 30, 2008 at 12:25Awesome… This episode wins the record for most times I literally laughed out loud.
Why would you can a cheeseburger? Wouldn’t that make it misshapen? How long could that possible last on a shelf? I agree Fausto, that’s just nasty.
Japanese candy is freaky… one of my classmates is half Chinese and her family always sends her samplings of the food they have there. There’s one candy that is sweet and salty, which wasn’t bad, but became a bitter pit of hell in about ten minutes. In the center is some sort of mini-peach pit thing, she bit into it and broke one of her molars. There’s another candy made from durian(sic) that had the texture of raw dough and apparently “tastes like Auschwitz” (the exact words of someone that tried it). I tried it but, other than the nasty texture, didn’t have any qualms about the taste. The last candy I tried was fruit that had been dried out and compacted into disk form. I liked them but other people who tried it said it tasted like corpse … which makes me wonder how they know that.
Cliff Dix says:
January 30, 2008 at 12:44That story about Fausto’s crazy neighbor in Puerto Rico was so funny. I was laughing so hard I couldn’t see and almost wrecked the car this morning. I love the way Fausto’s dad sent that note back to her and then Patricia had to cover for him.
I went to a nude beach near Key West except it turned out to be a bunch of guys masterbating in the bushes. Yucky. Not at all fun or sexy like I thought it would be.
PurplePuddleNut says:
January 30, 2008 at 12:54woohoo Cloverfield! Hell whoohoo I got talked about lol. Here is the link to my blog: http://purplepuddlenut.blogspot.com/2008/01/cloverfield-rant.html
Great show! Always funny, you guys made my day.
Marc Felion says:
January 30, 2008 at 15:29Durian is either loved or hated. Someone sent us some Durian candy once and he had a hard time finding someone to ship it. Many carriers will not ship Durian. To me, it smelled like rotting flesh. I had to throw it out in the garbage outside. II couldn’t stand the smell of even the candy. The raw fruit, they say is much worse.
Fausto Fernós says:
January 30, 2008 at 15:35We got some Durian in the mail and HAD to throw it out IMMEDIATELY. It STINKS and smells like death itself.
I guess Dracula, Frankenstein and the Wolfman all seem pretty gay to me… they represent three gay looks: the aristocrat, the jock and the bear.
Fausto Fernós says:
January 30, 2008 at 15:42I want Sal-E to dress up like this: can you do it Sal-E? I think you CAN!!!!
GravyBoyAndy says:
January 30, 2008 at 16:44Hey boys! It’s been a while. Great show today…as always! Miss you two…let’s do something soon!
Rhea says:
January 30, 2008 at 23:25My co-worker asked me if I was okay this afternoon, when she saw that I was trembling in my cubicle. Not because I was upset– I was laughing so hard from Fausto’s regaling us with the story of Bonnie S. Loca.
Keep playing that tambourine, boys!
(”He is not gay… in no way… he is not gay… no matter what you say…”)
Jake Snow says:
January 31, 2008 at 09:17OMG I found something better than hamburger in a can!!! I can haz pancake!!? It’s pancake or waffle in an aerosol can! I shit you not. http://www.batterblaster.com/ The demo video is funny! The best part is that it’s Organic! You should see about having them as a sponsor…
bowdownza says:
January 31, 2008 at 16:14ooooh I miss the public art in chicago.
marc or fausto–Did you ever notice the eyes hanging at various intersections in Andersonville? There was one at catalpa and clark and one on summerdale, they were these tiny red woodblocks hung from telephone wires. One one side was painted a closed eye and on the other was an open eye. They were strung so the block spun around, alternating the open and closed eye. I like to think it was a direct response to those blue box survellience police boxes.
Also Have you ever noticed the crochet trees around town. Those are great.
I miss andersonville!!!!
Andrew J says:
January 31, 2008 at 17:25Hey Fausto, I think you stole a line from Bitch and Animal’s pussy manifesto on this show: “That was so pussy of you to help me move to my new place.” If you didn’t steal it from them, then it’s pretty funny that you came up with the same line!
Marc Felion says:
January 31, 2008 at 22:45Bowdownza: Andersonville does have some kooky stuff in it. The sidewalks get stenciled a lot too.
Andrew manifest this: it was borrowed not stolen.
Jonzu says:
February 3, 2008 at 16:02Hi Jake,
We just had buttermilk pancakes from scratch this morning; our kitchen looks a mess, but the outcome was tasty. Not so sure on the verdict of the aerosol pancake however….
http://video.scifi.com/player/?id=195570
I loved the suggested use for the leftover batter; perhaps the canned cheeseburgers can be used as bookends if left unopen?
Jonzu says:
February 3, 2008 at 16:54Fausto,
I love the fairies when they sing in Mothra! Apparently they have some kind of telepathic connection with Mothra to summon her. Their song in the originally doesn’t make any sense in Japanese. In fact the lyrics are Indonesian; having been translated by an Indonesian exchange student while in Japan; and then the song was published with the Indonesian lyrics.
If you want to see The Peanuts in their full size here they’re looking fierce in go-go boots; they’ve definitely got the moves:
Jonzu says:
February 3, 2008 at 16:56Opps… missed the links; here they are:
bigdog5758 says:
February 25, 2008 at 15:33I loved the movie Cloverfield and I liked how you get to see the movie from the point of view of the characters.
Born in San Juan, Puerto Rico, Fausto Fernós created the Feast of Fools in 1998 as wacky artists variety show in Chicago, Illinois.
Along with his partner Marc Felion, he hosts the world's most downloaded talk show for gay people on the internet, Feast of Fools.
Fausto loves pomegranates, waterfalls and 70s retro funk music.
View all entries by Fausto Fernós
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Peaches Christ | October 7, 2008
I don’t really think of Interview With A Vampire as a great horror movie, but I did think it was a great movie. I don’t know. I...
14 comments on FOF #853 - Horror Movies Every Gay Man Must See - 10.02.08
BrettC | October 7, 2008
I’ve always loved horror even as a young kid. Thank you for having Peaches on the show to discuss some of her faves. Good solid choices for sure,...
14 comments on FOF #853 - Horror Movies Every Gay Man Must See - 10.02.08
Marc Felion | October 7, 2008
Interview with a Vampire doesn’t really appeal to me as a horror. It’s more of a Gothic romance than anything else. Did you find it...
14 comments on FOF #853 - Horror Movies Every Gay Man Must See - 10.02.08
Curtis | October 7, 2008
Great show. I want to comment on two issues. FIrst I don’t think there is anything unique about the current spate of revelations about the Church’s excesses...
Rainbow Dragon 76 | October 6, 2008
I am with Marcin on being disappointed by one of you not mentioning Interview With The Vampire on the podcast. It is a classic and was well...
14 comments on FOF #853 - Horror Movies Every Gay Man Must See - 10.02.08
Posting tweet...
Gay Fun ShowPeaches Christ | October 7, 2008
I don’t really think of Interview With A Vampire as a great horror movie, but I did think it was a great movie. I don’t know. I...
14 comments on FOF #853 - Horror Movies Every Gay Man Must See - 10.02.08
BrettC | October 7, 2008
I’ve always loved horror even as a young kid. Thank you for having Peaches on the show to discuss some of her faves. Good solid choices for sure,...
14 comments on FOF #853 - Horror Movies Every Gay Man Must See - 10.02.08
Marc Felion | October 7, 2008
Interview with a Vampire doesn’t really appeal to me as a horror. It’s more of a Gothic romance than anything else. Did you find it...
14 comments on FOF #853 - Horror Movies Every Gay Man Must See - 10.02.08
Curtis | October 7, 2008
Great show. I want to comment on two issues. FIrst I don’t think there is anything unique about the current spate of revelations about the Church’s excesses...
Rainbow Dragon 76 | October 6, 2008
I am with Marcin on being disappointed by one of you not mentioning Interview With The Vampire on the podcast. It is a classic and was well...
14 comments on FOF #853 - Horror Movies Every Gay Man Must See - 10.02.08
LATEST Latest on the Forums
moi…stéphane says:
January 30, 2008 at 07:20Every year we have this big rugby competition here in NZ called the “Wellington Sevens”, its kinda like the Superbowl meets Mardi Gras. Everybody gets dressed up totally in outrageous costumes and it’s summer so its like a massive party in the stadium. But last year this radio station here in wellington was trying to get people to dress up in the borat mankini and try and run onto field and strip sooooo i think the police are trying to stop it this year by baning the mankini *sigh* ;P