By Fausto Fernós on February 14, 2008 | Share & Save | Link | Print |
I just can’t get the image of Lauren Bacall or Patricia Neil out of my mind.
In case you missed the wonderful vintage commercials that John Q Sanchez put up on the website earlier this week, go watch them now. Marc and I love to imitate the gravelly voices of Hollywood’s leading ladies shilling de-CAFF-inated coffee and aspirin in television commercials of yesteryear.
Today is Valentine’s Day and if you’re in love, single, slutty or celibate, we’ve got you covered.
Roses are overpriced and full of pesticides, diamonds fund wars and chocolate just promotes child slavery in Africa, so what is THE socially responsible present to give to someone you love this Valentine’s Day?
A firecracker RED Feast of Fools t-shirt and mug of course! The t-shirts are made on sweat-shop free labor by American Apparel and printed in our own back yard by Sharprint in the U.S. of Ayyyyyy! A portion of the proceeds go to support the Trevor Project, the nations premier suicide 24-hour hotline for GLBT youth. 1-866-4-U-TREVOR. Click here to get your mug and t-shirt now.
I believe that any day is a good day to celebrate passion and love. But some folks are just party poopers. A New Zeland florist is refusing to sell red roses on Valentine’s Day because she thinks they are a rip off. Flowers.com is charging almost $100 for a dozen! The Saudi Arabian government is cracking down on people sending each other roses, or gifts for the holiday, saying it’s un-Islamic and promotes extra-marital sex.
Don’t get any ideas City of San Francisco! After all, last year they canceled Halloween, vegans that overrun the city try to kill Thanksgiving and a loose killer Tiger spoiled Christmas.
I can easily imagine people wanting to shut down Valentine’s Day arguing that the day spreads sexually transmitted diseases. You can hear them say “Valentines Day stands for V.D. does it not?”
Somebody who’s getting a spanking this V.D. is Ida-ho Senator Larry Craig, now world famous for getting arrested last summer while he was cruising for sex in a men’s bathroom at the Minneapolis airport.
Just in time for Valentine’s Day, the Senate Ethics Committee released a “Public Letter of Admonition” shaking their finger at Craig for trying to use his political stature as a Senator to weasel out of getting arrested for public indecency.
Does the irony escape this man? After all, Larry Craig was one of the most vocal politicians to attack President Bill Clinton’s sexual escapades. He’s stood in the way of laws protecting GLBT folks and by these actions has fostered a sexually intolerant atmosphere.
I wonder what he’s getting for Valentine’s Day this year?
The deep brewed podcast with the rich, bold aroma- Feast of Fools.
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Christian83 says:
February 14, 2008 at 15:45I liked the comment about being single at V-day. It is much better to be single and give yourself a little present, meet friends or having a hot date than being in a relationship which sucks on V-day.
But then I don’t care much about V-day. Every day you can show other ppl you love them and care about them. At the end V-day is just about increasing sells for flowers, chocolate….
That’s why they created ” White day” in Japan and also in other countries. In Japan girls are supposed to give presents to guys on V-day. On White day guys are supposed to give presents to girls.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_Day
SAL-E says:
February 14, 2008 at 16:05Next time I am over I will show you how to melt Chocolate the right way!
I love getting myself presents…….ALL THE TIME………………
Love ya
-SAL-E
Peligroso Pop a.k.a Adrian says:
February 14, 2008 at 17:08Balls in chocolate that’s the perfect Valentines day present LOL have a wonderful day guy when is Amanda coming back to the show?
RcktMan says:
February 14, 2008 at 18:27Yeah not a big Valentine’s Day fan here… I’m as single as can be with no end to that in sight (yet). So I guess I’ll go out tonight and buy myself something nice. Ain’t nobody else gonna do that for me anyway…
My sister and I totally did the High Point Coffee thing too. We probably broke a few coffee cups trying to do it in the process. Of course our cups were not clear, but we tried and tried to capture that maaarvelous De-CAFF-enated aroma as much as possible… to no avail. I wonder how many kids actually did try that? So funny that you guys did!
Oh and thanks for once AGAIN propelling the legend of the chocolate balls into the stratosphere. 
Some legends never die!
patchouli_stink says:
February 14, 2008 at 21:01If I was a florist I wouldn’t want to work on Valentines Day either. To chalk it up to commercialism is just a bonus.
Rhea says:
February 14, 2008 at 21:20Another legend to propel into the stratosphere:
Bad thing about being single: there’s always the chance of that cute hookup taking a dump in your shower.
Good thing about being single: The guffaws and huge round of applause you get from your friends after telling them the story of the dude who took a dump in your shower!
You have the best stories, Rcktman!
RcktMan says:
February 14, 2008 at 22:37Hee hee… I wish they were only stories, but they’re true! Though when I posted the shower story on my blog I had people asking me “WHAT possessed you to write about THAT!?! EWWWW!”
It is my job to entertain AND disgust. I wear my badge with pride.
Fructose Cornsyrup says:
February 14, 2008 at 23:49I love you guys. I can always count you to make me smile. I loved today’s show. I listened to it twice. Happy Vday guys! Hope you had a good one!
Rhea says:
February 15, 2008 at 07:58De-coff-inated. *chuckle*
Fausto, you do the best Lauren Bacall impression! How can you guys do a show without cracking up every five seconds? I guess that’s what separates performers from the rest of the world.
nccellist says:
February 15, 2008 at 12:25Another great show. Those commercials were great. You need to add one of those ridiculous Mrs. Olson with her ever-present can of Folgers MOUNTAIN GROWN coffee to round out your collection. I remember asking my mom why that lady always had a big-ass can of coffee with her, I mean are there really gatherings that are BYOC?
Talking about sweet soft drinks, has anyone on here had Inca Kola? It’s the most popular soda in Peru, even outselling Coke which is propbably why Coke eventually bought them out. It looks like pee and smells like bazooka bubble gum, but doesn’t taste half bad. I forgot to bring some home with me for my family to try and can’t find it anywhere in the US.
Marc Felion says:
February 15, 2008 at 14:10Inca Cola is everywhere here in Chicago. At least in the Hispanic Markets. I don\’t like it but I like to try it eevry now and then to remind myself that I don\’t like it.
StevenvanL. says:
February 17, 2008 at 15:01Terminator the Series makes my head hurt, pretty much like any time travel story. If they ever avoided the war, there would have been no terminators and no John - and Sarah would be right back at the diner working as a waitress, as she was at the beginning of the first movie. Only makes sense if you involve alternate realities and those make my head hurt even more. I try to enjoy the series regardless as I really like the Firefly girl who plays Teen Terminator but it\’s tricky.
Zoomer says:
February 21, 2008 at 14:34Holy crap, this was the funniest intro ever!!! I was laughing outloud, then I had to listen to it a couple more times for good measure. Fausto, you were in rare form this day. All the clinking of cups in the background added THAT much more richness. I love it when you do your “sophisticated announcer” voice, it just makes me PEE with delight. Marc, for a hunky ‘mo, you make a brilliant straight man. XO
Zoomer says:
February 21, 2008 at 15:56OH, and I know that was Lauren Bacall you were channeling, but it reminds me of your announcer voice… too funny!
David in San Francisco says:
March 11, 2008 at 00:24You had me cracking up listening to this episode cause I was making coffee for the office while Fausto was fiddling with the coffee cups. Alas, I was brewing up Sparebucks… or was it Poots? Anyway, it was a great way to start the morning.
Born in San Juan, Puerto Rico, Fausto Fernós created the Feast of Fools in 1998 as wacky artists variety show in Chicago, Illinois.
Along with his partner Marc Felion, he hosts the world's most downloaded talk show for gay people on the internet, Feast of Fools.
Fausto loves pomegranates, waterfalls and 70s retro funk music.
View all entries by Fausto Fernós
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David Craig | October 12, 2008
Levi is a genius! It’s just a matter of time before the world finds out and falls in love with him!
Marc Felion | October 12, 2008
Thanks Xavi- for more on Prop 8 listen to this show http://www.feastoffools.net/ga y-fun-show/2008/08/27/fof-828- the-battle-for-equality-082608 / We said way...
Xavi | October 12, 2008
Scott, Marc and Fausto, Thanks for discussing the No on 8 campaign. While it directly affects us in California in the end it affects us all. thanks again! Regarding...
Saulo | October 12, 2008
Another mega show!!! Levi is a very talented artist and thank you FOF for bringing him and his music to us! Kisses!
TrickyToro | October 11, 2008
Levi’s openess about sexuality and his philosophy about love are incredibly refreshing. And, its very hot that he hangs out at the Faultline. It was a hoot...
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Gay Fun ShowDavid Craig | October 12, 2008
Levi is a genius! It’s just a matter of time before the world finds out and falls in love with him!
Marc Felion | October 12, 2008
Thanks Xavi- for more on Prop 8 listen to this show http://www.feastoffools.net/ga y-fun-show/2008/08/27/fof-828- the-battle-for-equality-082608 / We said way...
Xavi | October 12, 2008
Scott, Marc and Fausto, Thanks for discussing the No on 8 campaign. While it directly affects us in California in the end it affects us all. thanks again! Regarding...
Saulo | October 12, 2008
Another mega show!!! Levi is a very talented artist and thank you FOF for bringing him and his music to us! Kisses!
TrickyToro | October 11, 2008
Levi’s openess about sexuality and his philosophy about love are incredibly refreshing. And, its very hot that he hangs out at the Faultline. It was a hoot...
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PupDon says:
February 14, 2008 at 11:12That pack man commercial just killed me. You know that’s not actually Kim Karnes singing that. I’m spending Valentine’s day being my own Valentine and loving myself. I hope you all have a wonderful and love filled V-day.