FOF #811 - What Fruit Are You? - 08.04.08

By Fausto Fernós on August 4, 2008 | | Link | Print |

 
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Which kind of fruit are you?I usually know who I am most of the time, but there are moments when I’m faced with choices that make me question not only my identity, but reality itself.

What would you do? A pizza restaurant in China has confused customers by using banana and peach signs on the mens and women’s bathroom doors. Officials are asking the restaurant to change it, since a study conducted by them reveals that over 60% of the customers have no idea which one is which.

But isn’t life like that? Sometimes you see clear signs of where to go, other times it’s more confusing. Once I saw an ear of corn and a turnip representing the genders on bathroom doors in a restaurant. If you’re ever confused, just pick a door and boldly go in. If someone inside yells at you, blame the faulty signage, not your own sense of gender fluidity.

Tracy Tyler's new romantic friend looks a lot like actor Ernest BorgnineSpeaking of which, Tracy’s been having a wonderful summer, lounging by the pool in her suburban apartment complex trying to seduce the pool guy, who I think bares a striking resemblance to actor Ernest Borgnine. I took the liberty of photoshopping them together, don’t they make a nice couple?

Listen as Amercia’s favorite trannie shares the exciting details of her latest suburban romantic adventure, and we examine what is it that makes people who live in the suburbs so frisky? Is it the water or the fact that they are all so spread apart and spend a lot of their time alone in their cars? Are we just overgeneralizing things here?

Marc and Fausto at the Stud Bar in San FranciscoEither way, we’re really excited by the possibility of going to San Francisco with Tracy Tyler and Las Vegas for the podcaster’s conference, but we need your help!

We need approximately $2820.00 in the next two weeks to cover the costs of the trip and repair our recording equipment to make it happen. Will you help?

We’ll be doing interviews from the Mark Twain Hotel in San Francisco and plan on getting as many of the folks from Trannyshack on the show in person, talking about the queer legacy of San Francisco, Harvey Milk, the Coquettes and what it means to the rest of the world.

Live in Chicago? Come join us for a Zodiac Wine Tasting tonight with Alpana Singh at the Center on Halsted, 6-8pm.

Satisfying the hunger deep inside- Feast of Fools.

Check out today’s sponsor:

Gay, Sexy, Healthy- Lifelube.org
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Your friendly concierge for all that’s gay, sexy and healthy.


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  • OMG COME ON HE LOOKS NOTHING LIKE THAT PICTURE OF Ernest Borgnine. Give me a break! LOL LOL LOL. I don’t have a grandfather fetish. LOL

  • Hey Tracy! We miss you! :D
    btw Fausto (and Mark), I have PayPal but how do I contribute anonymously?

  • I love the Jason Smith photo of Marc and Fausto in their alley. Terrific super photo.

    And I have been the victim of confusing bathrooms signs and found myself using the ladies’ room a few times. There was a restaurant in Atlanta that played a joke on you with their bathroom signs. On the outside of the frosted glass it said Men’s but once inside it looked like it said Women’s on the back side of the door.

    I am sure Tracy’s pool guy is hotter than Ernest Borgnine. This was the best photo I could find of Ernest Borgnine as a younger man - http://www2.una.edu/library/borgnine/borgnine12.jpg

    Tracy, I love your sexcapades with all those horny suburbanites.

  • I can’t wait to see you guys again, and meet Tracy. Too bad there aren’t many pools in San Francisco. Come on listeners, donate, lets make it happen.

  • My god! Nice to hear you again Tracy!!! As always, a real delight…

    Kisses!

  • Make sure you go to “Quark’s,” the restaurant at the Star Trek Experience in Las Vegas, and order either the “Warp Core Breach” or “Borg Sphere” (or both!) drinks. Each one is served in a fishbowl (share with a party of friends, or get loaded on your own) on a stand complete with steaming dry ice. And best, each drink is a mixture of several alcohols.

  • The pool guy looks more like Ernest in his golden years as an actor:

    I think Tracy and Ernest make an adorable couple!

  • omg, i laughed my butt off at the antics of Tracy Tyler!

  • I am proud of you Tracy ! You can really make it to become “the whore of the building”. ;)

    I laughed so hard when you talked about the Asian girl, imagined how you crushed her.

    Better take care of the pool guy`s girlfriend, she might listen to the podcast as well and cannot wait to cut you into little pieces now.

    Love you !

  • I don’t know what pool guy you thought I’m talking about Fausto but he has blond hair that is mostly buzzed off not black —- and those big black eye brows??? not even close to the pool guy. — LOL oh well it’s good for a laugh!

  • Shameless in Schaumberg! Can’t wait for the next episode of Tracy and the Pool Guy! For the record, the pool guy is more of a Micky Rourke type character. Since I have first hand intelligence. I will have to shake my cookies (40DDs) next visit to Tracy’s pool. Get the pool guy on my radar, watch out Tracy!!!

  • Tracy darling, you had me rolling off my chair this morning. Your antics are priceless and I love your unapologetic attitude about it all.

    You keep bagging those men!

    But seriously watch out for the girlfriends. Women be crazy…

  • Marc, the time in the gym is showing. Yum!

  • Miss Renee — girl!!! he’s FEIRCE — can you handle him???? (can I watch ???) LOL LOL LOL LOL — just kidding! you go with those new 40 DDs missy , you know I’m jealous!!!

  • Good Jesus, that pic is supposed to be of Tracy and ME! I don’t know whether to be flattered or insulted! LOL … here’s the original (don’t know if it’ll work in the comments):

  • Badminton….loved that part

  • Why do you think I used it Rick!? You guys made such a lovely couple! whoooo

  • Oh and by the way, I think MOST people will think Ernest Borgnine to be cuter than Mickey Rourke ANY day, so comparing him to that skanky plastic surgery nightmare is an insult to Tracy’s romantic interest.

  • there that’s him!!!!! that’s HIM!!!!!!!! —- THAT”S HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL

    —- no he’s much hotter !!!!!

  • ahhh RIck no one can ever take the place of you in my heart or my favorite photographs of us :-D

    SMOOCH I love you Rick!!!

  • Don’t you think you guys make a cute couple?

  • LOL I love you too Tracy :) God that was a fun show… I always look forward to my dose of Stories By Tracy Tyler. I’m not sure if the pain I’m feeling is from laughing so hard or being swept away in a tornado. (Yeah it’s the laughing. :) )

  • Holy Aging Poorly, Batman! Mickey Rourke is looking BAAAAAAAAAAD!

  • Yeah’ he’s a beast.

  • xklebr8
    To donate anonymously, just follow the green button on the front of the site. Your name won’t pop up in the red box.

    Or just click here:

  • Tracy you are truely perfection. I have been hanging out for your La Grandita Amy Winehouse youtube video.

  • If we raise enough money to get us all out West, we’ll make sure to make that video!

  • I love Tracy! She is so fab. You go girl, get yourself some of them horny suburbanites. :) I loved it when you mentioned Tracy lounging by the pool with opera glasses! OMG!! LOL I totally can see that. Picture it…. Tracy lounging by the pool in a red bathing suite, wearing diamonds and peals, hair done up in a fancy hair-do and her peering through golden opera glasses at boys across the pool. And then she licks her lips with a smirk, and says to her butler, “Charles bring me a martini.” Lol Priceless!! Great show boys and girl! Love you’ins
    Matty

  • that’s pretty much accurate except for the butler and my opera glasses are instead huge Jackie-O round sunglasses that almost cover my entire cheek and instead of my hair done up I sometimes wear a wide brimmed hat to keep the sun off my face. and yes I’m usually painted while braising the heat LOL LOL

  • I cannot get enough of Tracy’s naughty stories. More more more please! Love when she’s on the show. Thanks guys.

  • thanks for the comment & email replies, Marc & Fausto. I hope my small contribution does help out a bit.

  • Every bit helps. Thank you baby!

  • Thanks to everyone who’s donating! It really means a lot to us, and helps make the show possible on many levels. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

  • Love you Tracy! You’re so funny.. and HOT! hehehe Don’t let the boys tease you too much about being a whore.. they’re just living vicariously through your escapades.. just like we the listeners are.. Can’t wait to hear about your next romp with the pool guy! Sexxxy!!

  • Tracy Tyler is CAT needs to happen!!

  • tracy, i love you girl

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  • About The Author: Fausto Fernós

    Born in San Juan, Puerto Rico, Fausto Fernós created the Feast of Fools in 1998 as wacky artists variety show in Chicago, Illinois. Along with his partner Marc Felion, he hosts the world's most downloaded talk show for gay people on the internet, Feast of Fools. Fausto loves pomegranates, waterfalls and 70s retro funk music.
    View all entries by Fausto Fernós

    Darque Tan - JUNE 2009

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